Stability Changes Everything

Ten years ago today, I walked into a civil affairs office. A short time later, I walked out with the newest Goar.

The paperwork was finished. The real work was just beginning.

When our daughter first came home, fear didn't look like fear.
It looked like hoarding food. Biting. Throwing objects.

𝐁𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐲𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲.
Instead of reacting to the behavior, we focused on creating safety.

Every morning, I'd put little ice cream-cone socks on her. I'd point to them and say, "After school, I'll pick you up, and we'll get ice cream."

Then I did exactly that. Eventually, the socks became a quiet reassurance that this home was permanent, and she wouldn't be left behind. Again. She would get picked up from school.

Ten years later, that lesson has shaped not only how I parent but also why I believe in compliance blended with compassion.

In affordable housing, we ask people to navigate complex systems while they may be experiencing instability, uncertainty, and trauma. It's easy to focus on the paperwork. It's harder to understand a larger story.

𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.
People thrive when they believe they're safe enough to do so.

Ten years later, I'd sign those adoption papers all over again.

And yes ... we're still pretty serious about ice cream.