The Necklace of Shame

For over forty years, my siblings and I had a pact: 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭. For part of my childhood, home was a tent for my mom, my three younger siblings, and me.

The four of us kids agreed that nobody could know.
If the wrong person found out, we could be reported. Separated.
So, we said nothing.

And then we kept saying nothing.
Through high school. Through college. Into our 40s and 50s.
We had never talked about it.
Not with the world, and not even with each other.

I call it the necklace of shame.
We put it on as children, and we just never took it off.

Here's what I know now: the longer you wear it, the more power you give it.
It wasn't until I started preparing my TEDx talk that I finally said the words out loud.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝.
Every time I told the story publicly, people came up to me and shared their own story of housing insecurity.

Then I sat down with Joe Pardavila and found myself telling more of the story than I ever have.

If you're wearing a necklace of shame of your own, I'll tell you what I wish someone had told me:
- what happened to you can be a moment in time.
- it's not your entire identity.
- identities can change.

It's also why I wrote my book, Audacity, coming this October.